Before I die projects

Lazy imagination and Space Deer page

Hi pal!

Summer is over, it’s time to get more intentional with how I use my time. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a list in my notebook with the title “projects I need to do before I die.” So far it only has three; Surmount, Space Deer and Between Atoms. Project number 1 is wrapping up so I’m picking up the pace on Space Deer and looking for ways to get it in front of readers, probably through publishers.

After I wrote that list I realized what a waste it is for me to prototype other game ideas when I already know exactly what I want to do.

Coincidentally this week’s essay is also on the subject of finding what you care about.

Lazy imagination isn’t bad

When I flick open my sketchbook I tend to always draw the same few things. Spacemen with antennas, people with plants on their heads, and old ladies.

I draw these things almost as impulsively as a monkey scratches its back. Although, there’s not really anything wrong with that. It’s more like a monkey scratching its back and it’s covered in mosquito bites. It’s hard to resist and the itch grows more intense every time. Similarly, with every scratch of my pen on the paper I become even more aware of myself, of my repetitiveness. I know I should stop, but I can’t because it feels so good in the moment. Drawing these figures is my comfort zone.

A mosquito bite itches because of a tiny infection. Something must have bit my soul and left a similar mark. One of my favorite songs by Ezra Furman, “Queen of Hearts” has a verse in it which I’d say puts the finger on why I draw so many characters with antennas.

I am searching, I am searching I am waving my antenna

Trying to pick up some signal through this dream

I'm an ant in a hill but I think and I feel

And I'm composing these love letters to the queen

Hoping somebody will see what I mean

The Queen of Hearts

There’s something about connection, searching signals in a huge universe and discovering what’s out there. Now that I’ve realized this, I feel like I can lean into my antenna obsession and one day make something out of it. Now that I’ve found a purpose with aimlessly drawing more of them it has just become a pleasant itch to scratch. It’s like I smeared a painkilling aloe vera on it.

I’ll keep drawing antennas until I pick up the right signal.

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Mini Notes

🎵 Song - Belinda Says

Every season of my life seems to have a different band that I obsess over. Right now that’s Alvvays. Been listening to them while drawing more Space Deer stuff and feeling real good. It’s completely different to do game development and listening to music and drawing from the heart and listening to music. When I draw it’s like the music transmits through the tip of the pen.

🍿 Short Film - The House of Small Cubes

I’ve been straying a bit from making the type of thing that really gets me thrilled and gives me purpose. Instead of telling stories and exploring emotions I’ve been obsessed with making games, which is a lot more difficult to do that through because there’s so much technical rubble in the way. I’m gonna keep trying with games. But I gotta remember comics, this film reminded me of what I’m about.

📝 Blog post - When you don’t know what to draw

I’ve linked back to this old blog post several times but I keep finding it relevant.

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❓ Question time

What does your “projects I need to do before I die” list look like? How distracted are you from it?

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Thank you as always for reading! Have a creative week and try to be intentional about it.

ps. - another Space Deer page